how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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