Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
