Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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