I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
