he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
someone owes me an orgasm
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize