what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize