well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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