Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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