i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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