Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
