Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
