oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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