Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
