Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
