I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Randomize
