Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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