this boner is exhausting
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize