I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
