i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
