ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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