I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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