and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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