Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
