made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
