Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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