Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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