dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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