i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
