i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
