great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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