remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
