If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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