We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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