if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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