Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
