I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
