the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Farmville is her only friend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
