You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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