I think I died a long time ago.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
