THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
