i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's just like the Real World with babies
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
