You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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