I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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