I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
