for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
