the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
