You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
