I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
