i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
