...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
