im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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