Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
