But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
