the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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