He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
