17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The uberlube is also flammable
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize