i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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