god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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