I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
