Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize