I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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