yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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