i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i love accidental penises.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
