hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
