he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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