id be glad to
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
