apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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